Tag Archives: small talk

Birthday Mouse.

18 Jun

Earlier this month, I had the pleasure of celebrating early (for the first time) my 29th birthday at my place of employment. After having a delightful lunch with my bosses, I came back to the office and was showered with birthday cards, gifts, and had 25 bitties sing “Happy Birthday” to me. It was pretty neat. While packing up and getting ready to leave for my weekend adventure in Milwaukee, a lady bitty (one of my favs) came into my office and said she had something behind her back for me. She stated that her upstairs neighbor had received this at a work party and gave it to her “as a gift” and that she wanted me now to have it………

Sucker

 “Yes, it really is what you think.”

I giggled instantly telling her this was awesome to get. She, too, laughed admitting that she at first thought the sucker was a tiny mouse and had mentioned this to her neighbor upon receiving it. According to the bitty, her neighbor laughed so hard at  her.  The bitty shrugged her shoulders stating “it’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those in my possession.” She chuckled, gave me a hug, and told me she hoped my friends would get a kick out of it.

XxoO,

Eldest.

Bras & John Stamos.

5 Feb

 

For your Tuesday pleasure….A mini convo I had the other day with a lady bitty….

“I’m going let you in on a little secret. See this big Hawaii sweatshirt I am wearing? I used to have another one that had pretty Christmas Hawaiian flowers on it but got rid of it…Anyway; the reason why I am wearing this is because I have decided that I am no longer going to wear a bra around here. I want to relax my boobs. For years I have worn wired bras and the one side has always been irritated. Since I do not have a boy toy to massage it, I will just go without.” – Bitty 

“Well you could always find a boy toy….” – Me

“I don’t have that kind of money to be paying for one. Though it would be very, very nice to have one. You know, I keep buying that Greek Yogurt they advertise yet the man in the commercial never pops up.”   – Bitty

“John Stamos?” – Me

“Whatever his name is. My God he’s dreamy.” – Bitty

 

 

XoXo –

Eldest.

 

‘Tis the Season! Sh*t my Residents say….

19 Dec

So I walked into the office this morning and was greeted by several members of bible study. Here is what happened during my five minute conversation with them:

“Hi Ali!!!! How are you?” – Bitties

“Heeeeeey!!!! Oh I’m just fine. How are you kids?” – Me

The small talk continued on for a few minutes and then….

“Soooooo Ali…How’s your love life?” – Bitty

Shrugs shoulders. “Uh, it’s there. I mean…” – Me

“….Well she would obviously look radiant if she had someone in her life.” – Man bitty

This is the same man bitty that gave me shit a couple weeks ago about me never being in a good mood. Anyhoo, I gave him a fake smile/I want to destroy you right now look before I sweetly said….

“Oh Bitty (I said his name, I did not call him bitty)… I ALWAYS look radiant though.” – Me

I then slapped him on the back with my fake smile still on my face. The lady bitties laugh hysterically and tell him that I “really got him.” A lady bitty grew serious, telling me that I did not need a love but told me that I should get a cat to be my companion. Apparently my “Jim from The Office” look kind of gave how I was feeling away.  Another lady bitty told the other lady bitty that was “absurd” and that I needed to be married for “at least 10 years” before getting a cat. She then looked at me, smiled with excitement and told me as soon as I have a “lover” they will rent the clubhouse and celebrate. I shook my head taking this brief convo in. Not going to lie, I do not understand how a cat could replace a “lover” especially since I am not a cat lover to begin with…Hmmmm….

|I mean I could see this being me…Minus the cats….|

 

P.S.: Aaaaaand I was just told by a man bitty that he “f*cking hated me” and my boss just kicked him out of the office for also saying other sassy things about people in the clubhouse. The sad part of this, I don’t know what I did. I mean if I did something to make him f*cking hate me then perhaps this would all would make sense. But nonetheless as Charlie Harper would say in Two and Half Men…”Hmmmm.”

 

 

 ‘Tis the season bitches. #OmgThisJustDidNotHappen #IAmLaughingAndNotCryingWhichIsNeat #DoesThisMeanIHaveAHeartOfCoal

XxX, 

Eldest

Happy Monday.

26 Nov

It is Monday. It is the Monday after Thanksgiving. I am battling a rather nasty cold that I feel I got while being at home for five days (worth it, I love being at home). I am on a lot of drugs so I can attempt to feel like a million bucks today. They appear to be working. This afternoon, I had an old bitty stop in to visit with me.

“Hi, there dear. How are you? How was your weekend?” – G

“Hey there, G. I’m fine. My weekend was great.  Just got in yesterday.”  – Me

{Insert several seconds of awkward staring at one another}

“You look different.” – G

“Yea?” – Me

“Yea. It looks like you just had sex over the weekend.” – G

“Uhhhh…” – Me (I had gotten my hair done over the weekend so I was not expecting to hear that…)

“Your skin is very clear and smooth. Your eyes are glossy and you seem more “mellow” than usual.” – G

“…Or it could be that I have a cold and am on a lot of drugs at the moment.” – Me

“Oh.Well there you go. You now have a “back-up” to look the way you do right now if you don’t get sex over the weekend.” – G

 …..

Game over. I’m done for the day.

xXx.

Eldest

Youngest’s Guide to Small Talk – Parte Uno

7 Aug

Awkward moments.  Yes!  We are all faced with awkward moments at work and social settings where we are required to make ‘small talk’ with those whom we do not know that well, sometimes at all!  Now and again, we are lucky enough to encounter one who is talkative and interesting, for which small talk is a breeze.

At times, creating small talk can be uncomfortable, silent, or just plain terrible.  Getting to know an unfamiliar face not only involves verbal communication, but non-verbal cues as well.  Are your eyes looking away or pointing down whilst conversing?  Are your arms crossed, eyes rolled, or are you nervously twirling your hair out of discomfort? Are you stuttering, voicing fragments, or losing your train of thought mid-conversation?   Appearing uncomfortable when you are uncomfortable makes these situations, well, uncomfortable for everyone. 

Fortunately, I engage in ‘small talk’ with a half-to-a dozen of people on a typical work day; whether they are with patient’s I have developed a rapport with, or with someone fresh from the crop.  In most social situations, I can spark conversation with almost anyone I meet.  At times, I can read one’s body language and his/her response to my questions if he/she is into getting to know me.  Although typically uncommon, it is essential for one to be able to recognize the cues on when to end a conversation with an uninterested partner.  Do not be upset when this happens, you fascinating and sexy beast – just because a stranger is not interested in getting to know you does not mean you lack greatness.  Move on and be remarkable!

Today, I will be focusing on five basic topics I try to avoid when starting a conversation with an acquaintance or someone new.  I feel this could be very useful in a social setting, a date, or  in the work place.

Rule #1 TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER
Nothing screams ‘I’m really uncomfortable’ when initiate conversation involving the weather. I do not care if it is 107º in January or a blizzard in the summer.  This topic is a conversation continuer, not a starter.  If you are a meteorologist speaking to another meteorologist, by all means, you are the exception to my numero uno rulo. For the rest of us non-weather professionals, just casually integrate this subject later in the conversation.

Rule #2 TALKING ABOUT YOUR KIDS
Yes, your snot-nosed kids are adorable as hell and they do funny shit.  But please, do not try to kindle a new friendship by showing your new bestie videos of your kid riding their bike, photos of them donning a fireman suit, or posing pretty on Easter Sunday.  Pets are also included within this category – unless if they are riding their bike, then by all means show me more!

Rule #3 COMPLAINING ABOUT WORK
You hate your job.  We all do.  Calling your boss an asshole or elaborating on how underpaid you are does not make me want to buy you a shot or ‘friend’ you on Facebook.  If you are talking with established acquaintances, you have a 5-minute window to vent about how shitty your day is.  This is a rule that middlest has applied to my own professional life. Have an egg timer ready, but sure to read your audience.  Sometimes five minutes is five minutes too many!

Rule #4 TALKING ABOUT YOUR BAD HABITS
This includes your hatred towards your ex lovers, how much alcohol you consumed the night prior (grow up), and intimate details on your previous sex partners.  No one cares about that shit when they are trying to get to know you for the first time.

Rule #5 TALKING ABOUT YOU TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE
Stop. Just stop it.  Put your ego aside and make the conversation field even.  Nothing screams insecurity and trying too hard when you excessively talk about yourself.  Stop!

On the contrary, do not avoid talking about yourself completely.  It is more uncomfortable when the other party is unwilling to cooperate with the conversation.  This is a two way street, people!

Personal Tips:

  • Nothing is worse than repeating your name to a dozen people.  Always introduce yourself clearly, pronounce your name so everyone in the group can hear you, and shake hands, wave, or hug.  When used properly, hugging can be real cute.  You can throw people off by initiating a solid high-five to any new comers added to the conversation circle.  I don’t care what Daniel Tosh says, high-fiving will always be cool!
  • Be the first to ask questions, then you can control and guide the conversation to your comfort level.  Do not interview. I do not want to have sweaty hands upon meeting you.
  •  Always ask open-ended questions. Close-ended questions are a guaranteed conversation enders.
  • Don’t you DARE look at that text message mid-conversation. Put that phone down. Look up at the person you are conversing with, not at the floor.  Please, do not stare.  Staring can be creepy and embarrassing when one calls you out on it.
  • LISTEN.  Asking questions will be easier when you listen more and talk less. If you have a hunch that one is not listening to you as you are speaking, feel free to give them a pop quiz at the end of your very important statement.

Since we are on the topic of listening, one of my biggest panic moments are when you are in the middle of a story and only one person is paying attention.  Do you continue on, call attention to the crowd, or make up an exaggerated ending to your fairytale?  I have yet to master this awkward moment…

Xoxo,
Youngest.