Tag Archives: Shit my neighbor says

Birthday Mouse.

18 Jun

Earlier this month, I had the pleasure of celebrating early (for the first time) my 29th birthday at my place of employment. After having a delightful lunch with my bosses, I came back to the office and was showered with birthday cards, gifts, and had 25 bitties sing “Happy Birthday” to me. It was pretty neat. While packing up and getting ready to leave for my weekend adventure in Milwaukee, a lady bitty (one of my favs) came into my office and said she had something behind her back for me. She stated that her upstairs neighbor had received this at a work party and gave it to her “as a gift” and that she wanted me now to have it………

Sucker

 “Yes, it really is what you think.”

I giggled instantly telling her this was awesome to get. She, too, laughed admitting that she at first thought the sucker was a tiny mouse and had mentioned this to her neighbor upon receiving it. According to the bitty, her neighbor laughed so hard at  her.  The bitty shrugged her shoulders stating “it’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those in my possession.” She chuckled, gave me a hug, and told me she hoped my friends would get a kick out of it.

XxoO,

Eldest.

Bras & John Stamos.

5 Feb

 

For your Tuesday pleasure….A mini convo I had the other day with a lady bitty….

“I’m going let you in on a little secret. See this big Hawaii sweatshirt I am wearing? I used to have another one that had pretty Christmas Hawaiian flowers on it but got rid of it…Anyway; the reason why I am wearing this is because I have decided that I am no longer going to wear a bra around here. I want to relax my boobs. For years I have worn wired bras and the one side has always been irritated. Since I do not have a boy toy to massage it, I will just go without.” – Bitty 

“Well you could always find a boy toy….” – Me

“I don’t have that kind of money to be paying for one. Though it would be very, very nice to have one. You know, I keep buying that Greek Yogurt they advertise yet the man in the commercial never pops up.”   – Bitty

“John Stamos?” – Me

“Whatever his name is. My God he’s dreamy.” – Bitty

 

 

XoXo –

Eldest.

 

Sh*t my residents say….

14 Nov

“Look, why do we, as a society, hate old people so much?” – Michael Scott
” Because they’re lame.” – Creed Bratton

{So not true…}

I walk in this morning with two of my residents who were also heading to the clubhouse for “bible study” (FYI -They rarely talk about the bible and are more intrigued about talking about things like Viagra (which is $10 a pop at the VA), homosexuality, and one’s color). One of the ladies said something funny so naturally I chuckled. The man bitty in charge of bible study look shocked that I was laughing and muttered to someone why I was so happy today. Of course I heard this (I may have small ears but I try not to miss much) and told him that I was most of the time in a good mood at work. Man bitty gave me a “WTF” look and said that he never sees this “good mood” from me. He then laughed and joked to his pals in bible study saying that I “must have had a great date last night.” Of course I wasn’t going to let him win this little argument we had going on. I corrected myself, explaining that 85% of the time I was in a good mood. He nodded, stating (again) that he rarely sees this. I then politely told him the other 15% of the time when I am “crabby” was when the bible study group and line dancers were here at the clubhouse. His mouth dropped. I smiled sweetly. The two ladies that I walked in began to laugh hysterically.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I feel that today is going to be a good day.

Liz Lemon Rocks. < – – You should click this. Made my day. Thanks cousin Dave for always doing this.

xX,

Eldest.

Aside

Coffee Talk with my neighbor Rose

11 May
{Coffee Talk with my Neighbor Rose}
“How’s my favorite girl?”
Before I could answer….
“Do you know why I am here?”
“To get coffee from me?”{Sidenote: She stops by the clubhouse/office every day for coffee}
“That’s right. You make the best coffee everrrrrrr.”
I grab a Styrofoam cup from the cupboard, pour some cold and old coffee into the cup, reheat {One minute}, put one sugar packet in, and stir the shit out of it. Rose then grabs her back stating that her back hurts. She then turns me around, touches my ass stating that it “hurts right around there.” Instead of freaking out/being a spaz {Like I normally would be} I act like she did not violate me by saying “Right about the bum, eh?” Rose nods saying “Yup. I don’t know how I got it. I didn’t do anything or anyone.” She then chuckles to herself, sits on the couch, and starts drinking her coffee through her stirrer.
The next day Rose stops by again for her usual coffee that I “make” for her. While pouring coffee, Rose touched my hair complimenting me on how pretty it was. She then smiled and asked….
“How often to do you wash your hair? Once a week? Once a month?”
“I wash it everyday, Rose.”
“What do you mean EVERYDAY?! Aren’t you afraid it’s going to fall out when you wash it? You need to make sure it all stays ‘attached’….(Thinks a moment) Oh, never mind, you are young. I am old.”
“How’s your little girl?”
“I don’t have a little girl. The little girl that you see here every now and then is Connie’s daughter.”
“Oh. Ok. How’s your husband?”
“I don’t have a husband, Rose.”
{Sidenote: Rose is my neighbor so you would think she would know that I am a spinster}
Rose’s eyes grew quite large and she appeared to be ‘flipping a lid’
“This is the BEST news I have heard all day. You should NEVER get married or have children because you can do whatever you want, whenever you want.”
{Sidenote: This is coming from a woman who WAS married to man she prays for every day at church |he’s dead| and who HAS three children who come to see her all.the.time}
Coffee talk, anyone?
{Sorry I couldn’t get the video to upload on the webpage}