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My 40 Day Challange: Goin’ Vegan!

13 Feb

Being raised as a Roman Catholic, it is tradition to prepare for the coming of Christ forty days before Easter Sunday.  Typically for Lent I will give up a food item or activity to fulfill my Lenten promise.

The contenders were:
Diet Coke, no mo’!
Eliminate weekday drinking.
Going Vegan.

No diet coke is out of the question; I need my liquid caffeine to prevent a 2 o’clock siesta.

Eliminating weekday drinking deemed difficult;  a vegan diet seemed like the easiest choice of the three.  No, not VEGETARIAN…VEGAN.  There is a difference and is explained a litter later in this blog…

Recently, I watched a documentary [Vegucated, if you will]  on the benefits of a vegan lifestyle [love Netflix].  Since I reside on the eastside of Milwaukee, I have become familiar with the term ‘vegan’Not being able to consume animal products, eggs, and dairy deemed challenging to most, yet there are many who make being vegan a part of their identity!

For forty days, I will be calling myself a Lenten Vegan!  That’s right – forty days with NO meat, NO fish, NO cheese, NO dairy, NO eggs [Watch out J. Aniston – I’m ready for your bod now]. I will have to be creative with my cooking and baking, and do some research on Milwaukee dining.  Some online sources say that adapting this lifestyle will be better for my health, the environment, and for animals.


  • For My Health

When one eats a plant-based diet, it is believed that they will be consuming less cholesterol and saturated (bad) fats, which in return can prevent diabetes, heart disease, and some cancers.  Yes, plant based diets do include whole grains – so I can still have carbohydrates, friends! I will definitely be eating much more veggies, fruits, and whole grains. Talk about having healthy bowel movements! Fortunately I already eat a pretty healthy diet, so increasing my greens and eliminating meat will not be huge issue for me. I just know I will miss my cheese!

  • For the Environment

Apparently, living a vegan lifestyle is better for the planet.  I learned from the documentary that vegan diets produce fewer greenhouse gas emissions than meat-based diets.  This is due to the methane gas produced from livestock [when they poop].

  • For the Animals

Factory farms sadden me.

So here we go! Now that this is public, there is no churning back [pun intended. Butter – churning butter – get it?!]

Tips? Concerns? Vegan recipes?  Share below, b!tches.



¡Visito Costa Rica!

29 Oct

¡Visito Costa Rica!

About three and a half years ago, while in dental hygiene school, I was given the opportunity to actively participate in a dental mission trip to Guyana, South America with a few close classmates and new friends.  During our week long stay, our dental team was able to provide over $200,000 worth of dental services to 500+ patients in the village of Bath, where a beautiful new Christian church was built for the community. Community service was a passion of mine prior to this experience however; this opportunity gave me the spiritual guidance I needed to continue to do what I love doing the most: giving back to my brothers and sisters.

For the second time in my life, I am given the opportunity to once again leave the United States to utilize my medical skills, this time as a dental hygiene professional.  This Sunday, I embark to San Jose’, Costa Rica with a larger medical and dental team to provide health services to those in need.  I will be reunited with a few team members from my 2009 Guyana trip, as well as meeting new team members which I will soon call my friends.  Not only do I have the opportunity to explore another section of the world, I get to learn about a culture different from my own and (try to) speak their Spanish language.

Here’s to a new chapter of my life.


EEK & MEEK: Reasons Why Middlest & Youngest are INDEED Identical

26 Sep

I recently caught two of my co-workers looking at a Wikipedia page linked to “twins”.  Being naïve and blunt, I yelled “Hey! I’m a twin!”    [like they didn’t know…]   and began questioning this random search interest.  Their reasoning?  THEY DO NOT BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY MEGHAN AND I ARE IDENTICAL TWINS.

I do not mean to be a princess about this subject, however, I feel as if I am always defending my likeness to so many folk I have met in Southeast Wisconsin.  This is not the first time that I had to explain to them that Middlest and I are, indeed, identical – this affair has occurred a handful of times at this particular work place.  As a matter of fact, there have been two handful of times where Middlest and I would have to defend our honor of being identical twinsnatural, without scientific intervention.

Top Perceived Reasonings to Why Meghan and I are “Not Identical”:

  • I can tell you apart! Yes, my family members, close friends, common acquaintances, and co-workers can, indeed, tell the differences between us.  Don’t you think this has anything to do with the fact you see us either solo or together all the time?  If you stared at two Siamese cats for an extended period of time, you would be able to differentiate between the two as well.
  • Meghan is taller. Yep.  She is an inch taller.  As a matter of fact, she is a half-shoe size larger than me as well. “BUT ANISSA?! IF YOU ARE IDENTICAL, HOW CAN THIS BEEEE?!” This is simply because Middlest and I were born 5-weeks pre-mature.  In 1986, this was a big fruckin’ deal, ya’ll.  Meghan simply received more nutrients while we shared the same womb and weighed 2.59 pounds more than me at birth.  Entering this world at 3lbs 11oz had me in NICU for a little over a month while Middlest went home after two weeks.  Plus, I hate milk.  Yeah – that would change the growth pattern on identical twins.
  • Your hair is different. …Really?!?!?!
  • Identical twins have the EXACT same birthmarks and markings. This is false.  We share the same DNA and blood type, but not the same markings.  As a matter of fact, I was never born with moles on my face and large beauty mark    [that’s what my mom calls it, anyway…how cute is she?!]    on the back of my leg.  That all came with childhood, people!

Top Reasons Why We are Identical:

  • The doctor said so.Yeah, we came out of the same amniotic sac and shared a placenta.  Identical twins always share the same placenta, in most cases – fraternal twins have their own sac. Monozygotic = Uno Zygotico!
  • We look alike. Contrary to popular belief by few, Middlest and I do look very much alike.  If we did not have a sister, then I may actually pay $200 for DNA testing.  Why is this?  Because sister, Eldest, is shy of 18-months older than us.

How does this make a difference one may ask?  Look below:


  • Eyes. Eldest has hazel green eyes – a trait inherited by my father    [that bitch]    and “sad eyes” inherited by my mother.    [envious]    Meghan and I have blue gray eyes with a yellow “sun” around our pupils.    [“poop eyes”, as my former lover likes to call it — dick]    If you can tell, Eldest’s hair is very thick, and she has A LOT of it. Look at her eyebrows and eyelashes!  They are so bushy and long! I’ll be lucky to have a few eye hairs post-menopause.    [helloooooo Latisse!]
  • Nose and Ears. Yes, foolish oneWe are sisters.  On another note, Middlest and I have very similar noses    [thanks Grandma Kook]    – Eldest’s nose is so wittle and cute as a button. *bop*

    Besides Middlest having a “vagina ear”   [an environmental trait caused by a failed tragus piercing], they are indeed identical looking as well.  Eldest’s ears are much smaller – ironic since she is a huge fan of Dumbo.

  • Hair. If one could look closer, Eldest’s hair is naturally lighter brown and was once naturally curly.    [it is not anymore, but that is a whole other blog]    Middlest and I have very fine, thin, and annoyingly straight hair. It is also slightly darker.  One similarity shared between the three of us is upper lip hairWoof!
  • Our Hands and Feet. I love my feet and hands.  Eldest hates them. These appendages are scary similar between Middlest and me.  We have very bony, veiny hands and feet.  As a matter of fact, my mother used to compare these similarities when we were babies and children.  She still does this to our hands annually at Christmas Midnight Mass.   [Clearly we are Catholic]  She always shakes her head, grins, and whispers “how are you two NOT identical?”.    [Never deny a mother’s instinct…Neva!]

    Our fingers are long, our toes are long.  Eldest’s hands and toes are very much opposite of ours: short fingers/toes and quite small – in her words: “little boy hands” and “short and stubby”   [You are beautiful, no matter what you say]

  • Our Arms. Ali’s nickname is T-Rex I am done.

Now, ladies and gentlemen…if Meghan and I were indeed fraternal twins, do you not think we would each have different physical traits of Alison?

We look alike.  We came from the same sac.  We have the same DNA and blood type.  We have identical features.  I am sorry that you are pissed at the environment for making us not look freaky identical – but this is how God wants us to be so please, leave us alone SE Wisconsin amigos.

Note to the Public: Never EVER make fun of Youngest’s holiday ears in front of Eldest.  She will destroy you with her T-Rex arms.  She is one quick singleton.

Youngest’s Guide to Small Talk – Parte Uno

7 Aug

Awkward moments.  Yes!  We are all faced with awkward moments at work and social settings where we are required to make ‘small talk’ with those whom we do not know that well, sometimes at all!  Now and again, we are lucky enough to encounter one who is talkative and interesting, for which small talk is a breeze.

At times, creating small talk can be uncomfortable, silent, or just plain terrible.  Getting to know an unfamiliar face not only involves verbal communication, but non-verbal cues as well.  Are your eyes looking away or pointing down whilst conversing?  Are your arms crossed, eyes rolled, or are you nervously twirling your hair out of discomfort? Are you stuttering, voicing fragments, or losing your train of thought mid-conversation?   Appearing uncomfortable when you are uncomfortable makes these situations, well, uncomfortable for everyone. 

Fortunately, I engage in ‘small talk’ with a half-to-a dozen of people on a typical work day; whether they are with patient’s I have developed a rapport with, or with someone fresh from the crop.  In most social situations, I can spark conversation with almost anyone I meet.  At times, I can read one’s body language and his/her response to my questions if he/she is into getting to know me.  Although typically uncommon, it is essential for one to be able to recognize the cues on when to end a conversation with an uninterested partner.  Do not be upset when this happens, you fascinating and sexy beast – just because a stranger is not interested in getting to know you does not mean you lack greatness.  Move on and be remarkable!

Today, I will be focusing on five basic topics I try to avoid when starting a conversation with an acquaintance or someone new.  I feel this could be very useful in a social setting, a date, or  in the work place.

Nothing screams ‘I’m really uncomfortable’ when initiate conversation involving the weather. I do not care if it is 107º in January or a blizzard in the summer.  This topic is a conversation continuer, not a starter.  If you are a meteorologist speaking to another meteorologist, by all means, you are the exception to my numero uno rulo. For the rest of us non-weather professionals, just casually integrate this subject later in the conversation.

Yes, your snot-nosed kids are adorable as hell and they do funny shit.  But please, do not try to kindle a new friendship by showing your new bestie videos of your kid riding their bike, photos of them donning a fireman suit, or posing pretty on Easter Sunday.  Pets are also included within this category – unless if they are riding their bike, then by all means show me more!

You hate your job.  We all do.  Calling your boss an asshole or elaborating on how underpaid you are does not make me want to buy you a shot or ‘friend’ you on Facebook.  If you are talking with established acquaintances, you have a 5-minute window to vent about how shitty your day is.  This is a rule that middlest has applied to my own professional life. Have an egg timer ready, but sure to read your audience.  Sometimes five minutes is five minutes too many!

This includes your hatred towards your ex lovers, how much alcohol you consumed the night prior (grow up), and intimate details on your previous sex partners.  No one cares about that shit when they are trying to get to know you for the first time.

Stop. Just stop it.  Put your ego aside and make the conversation field even.  Nothing screams insecurity and trying too hard when you excessively talk about yourself.  Stop!

On the contrary, do not avoid talking about yourself completely.  It is more uncomfortable when the other party is unwilling to cooperate with the conversation.  This is a two way street, people!

Personal Tips:

  • Nothing is worse than repeating your name to a dozen people.  Always introduce yourself clearly, pronounce your name so everyone in the group can hear you, and shake hands, wave, or hug.  When used properly, hugging can be real cute.  You can throw people off by initiating a solid high-five to any new comers added to the conversation circle.  I don’t care what Daniel Tosh says, high-fiving will always be cool!
  • Be the first to ask questions, then you can control and guide the conversation to your comfort level.  Do not interview. I do not want to have sweaty hands upon meeting you.
  •  Always ask open-ended questions. Close-ended questions are a guaranteed conversation enders.
  • Don’t you DARE look at that text message mid-conversation. Put that phone down. Look up at the person you are conversing with, not at the floor.  Please, do not stare.  Staring can be creepy and embarrassing when one calls you out on it.
  • LISTEN.  Asking questions will be easier when you listen more and talk less. If you have a hunch that one is not listening to you as you are speaking, feel free to give them a pop quiz at the end of your very important statement.

Since we are on the topic of listening, one of my biggest panic moments are when you are in the middle of a story and only one person is paying attention.  Do you continue on, call attention to the crowd, or make up an exaggerated ending to your fairytale?  I have yet to master this awkward moment…


It Takes Two to Taco.

16 Jul

Fish & Shrimp Tacos with Cilantro Lime Rice, Crema, & Black Bean Parmesan. Click for fish & crema recipe

><º> Tonight’s meal blew us right out of the water. So much so, that we decided to write a blog about it mid-digestion. How did this miraculous meal came aboat, you ask? Let us lure you into our experience.

The evening started like any evening when Middlest and Youngest are home together for a meal. Youngest called Middlest and suggested to have fish tacos, as they had stale taco shells from two weekends prior.

, expressed Middlest – but she proceeded to be agreeable to this suggestion. Just like most fish-related dinners, Middlest scoured the internet for a palate pleasing recipe for fish tacos. Within two minutes, a recipe from really caught her [wall]eye.

Meanwhile, Youngest voyaged over to Aldi to pick up the only items they did not have in their fully-packed refrigerator: a tomato, avocado, and a bag of medium shrimp. She also bought a pair of pillows for $8.99. Hell yeah, Aldi – you wallet-friendly store!

Once Middlest and Youngest were reunited on Bradford, they began a-cookin’. Youngest was in charge of the black beans & shrimp. Her recipes were as follows:

Black Bean Parmesan.
1. Mash one can of drained black beans.
2. Mince one clove of garlic.
3. Add 2 tablespoons of dried cilantro.
4. Mix in 1/8 cup of parmesan cheese.
5. Crack pepper to taste.

1. It’s all about the de-tailing! Remove tails from shrimp.
2. In medium sauce pan, add shrimp to 2 tablespoons of canola oil & 1/4 cup lime juice.
3. Stir in 1 teaspoon garlic powder and 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes.
4. Sauté on medium heat for 5 minutes or until shrimp curl.
5. Turn off heat & cover with lid for additional 5 minutes.

Middlest was in charge of the fish, sauce and rice. Recipes are as follows:

1. Combine 1 tsp ground cumin, 1 tsp ground corriander, 1/2 tsp paprika, 1/4 tsp ground red pepper flakes, 1/8 tsp garlic powder in a bowl. Set aside.
2. Spray baking sheet [cover with aluminum foil for easy cleaning] with non-stick spray.
3. Take spice mixture and rub onto both sides of 2 Tilapia fish fillets.
4. Place onto aluminum foil and bake at 425º for 12 minutes.
5. Leave out to cool. Shred with fork.

1. In a bowl, add 3 Tbs fat-free mayo and 3 Tbs reduced-fat sour cream.
2. Add in 1/4 cup minced green onion [tops and bottoms!] and 1/4 cup chopped cilantro [unfortunately we only had dry. Damn herb garden.]
3. Zest an entire lime and squeeze the juice. Add to mixture.
4. Mince 1 clove of garlic.
5. Mix, mix, mix!

Cilantro Lime Rice.
1. Prepare 1 cup of brown rice [One cup of rice to two cups of water]
2. Add 1/3 cup cilantro.
3. Stir in the zest of one lime and the juice of the lime.
4. Pepper and salt to taste.

There you have it! Simple recipes! Our condiments for the tacos were sliced avocados, diced tomatoes, & shredded artisan lettuce. Middlest found that adding some of the crema to the rice was a tasty treat. We’re very pond of these recipes! <º><

Scoutie Explores da U.P., again, der, eh!?

29 May


My name is Scout.  For the benefit of mommy, ‘ma and ‘pa like to dognap me for long vacations!  I love being a Yooper pup, a country dog if you will.  Although I miss my furry, squirrely friends in the waggin’ city of Milwaukee, I love my rural lifestyle.  These are my top ten most favoritest things to do at my 2nd home:

  • Sleep in-between ‘pa’s legs, on his Lay-Z-Boy recliner, on top of our camouflage blankey, while watching golf or 60-Minutes. ‘Pa gives the best neck messages.
  • I get to eat off the floor!  Like auntie Meggie, ‘ma can chop rather sloppy.  This is the best fourth meal ever! Sometimes ‘ma will serve me chicken scraps on a silver platter.
  • ‘Ma plays nursey when she applies my flea and tick medication. I perform lots of tricks for my yummy Heart-worm Preventative treat!  ‘Pa play veterinarian while removing black vamps from my ears and thighs…ouch!
  • It’s tubby tub time!  I played in the pond twice yesterday…I smell like lavender!
  • Run, run, run.  Wag, wag, wag.  I love the outdoors.  Is that a porcupine? My nickname is Quills.
  • Three walks a day?  I am never allowed to nap!  So much action! Arf!
  • Rub my belly, scratch my ears‘Ma found a tick – time for ‘pa to remove it with his brute fingers, again!
  • I dig my treats in the red mulch, whine, and then retrieve them a week later. ‘Ma’s so proud of my memory!
  • I love making yellow spots on green grass.  Why doesn’t it grow?
  • I fling sticks in the air when I play fetch, when on a walk, or in my sleep!  Dreaming is the greatest

I’m a Yooper Poochie.

Fre$h Cents – A cost effective way to keep your greens and things survive a little beyond their expiration date.

22 May

The Champeau sisters are known for being frugal and not being wasteful. There is not much worse when hard earned ca$h is thrown into our garbage disposals.  Like many homes, cleaning out your refrigerator can be the most ‘wasteful’ chore to do on a Saturday morning.  This is not a good way to make your wallet and waistline skinny, people!  It is a well known fact that fresh fruits and vegetables are an easy way to receive your daily vitamins and keep healthy.

Below are some hints and tips on how to keep your refrigerator and tummy’s fully stocked with nature’s fresh greens and colourful treats.

– Mushrooms –
Damp dry with paper towel promptly, layer mushrooms in rows, lining each row with paper towel. Brush off dirt and use.
Keeps Fresh: 2 weeks.

Store in paper bag and refrigerate.
Keeps Fresh: 1 week.
*Discard: slime or bruised spots, rancid smelling, mushy, withered.

If possible, do not refrigerate fresh tomatoes, they can lose freshness this way.  You can store them in a paper bag at coolest room temperature as possible, keeping them out of direct sunlight.
Keeps Fresh:  3-5 days.

If preferred, you can refrigerate tomatoes.  Just make sure you store them in crisper in their original plastic container or a paper bag – lining the floor of containers with paper towel to absorb moisture.  You can also store in a plastic bag, making slots to reduce water loss (like human skin, this causes wrinkles)!   You can remove from refrigerator up to 1 hour to help regain loss of original flavor.
Keeps Fresh: 1-2 weeks.

Precut, wash, and pat dry for quick and easy snacking.  Store in airtight container or sealed plastic bag in crisper.
Keeps fresh: 4-5 days.

Before buds turn yellow, you can also keep cut frozen heads and stems in freezer bag.
Keeps frozen: 3-4 months.

Cut off greens, store in airtight container or a sealed plastic bag in crisper.
Keeps Fresh: 2-4 weeks.
*Discard when limp and shriveled as they have lost their vitamins and crunch.

Store in airtight container or a sealed plastic bag in crisper.  Clean edges and precut for easy snacking. If slightly limp, still usable.
Keeps fresh:  1 Week.

Store in airtight container or a sealed plastic bag in crisper. Cut as you use to maintain longer shelf life.
Keeps Fresh: 5 days.

–Leafy Greens–
Store in airtight container or a sealed plastic bag in crisper. Pre-wash, pat dry, and line bottom of containers with dry towel.  As you eat produce, wipe any moisture in container/bag with paper towel to keep dry and fresh.
Keeps Fresh: 7-10 days.

Do not wash or cut heads until you are ready to consume them.  To store, place strawberries on a paper towel in a tightly-covered glass or plastic container in the refrigerator
Keeps Fresh: 2-3 days.

Strawberries may also be frozen whole or in pieces. To freeze, wash and hull, cut if desired. Place in freezer containers or zip-top bags.
Keeps Frozen: Within 1 year.

Do not store unripened avocado in the refrigerator. To ripen, keep at room temperature for 2-3 days. Ripen fruit may be stored in the vegetable drawer in the refrigerator .
Keeps Fresh: 10-14 days.

**Hint: Only using half an avocado today? Keep pit in leftover half and store in refrigerator in plastic bag for tomorrow!

Buy bananas with a yellow portion of about three-quarters, they should have some green on both ends with no blemishes. Obviously, the greener the banana, the more ripe it is. Store the bananas on a hanging rack or on the kitchen counter, separated from their brothers and sisters. Bananas will ripen quicker in the summer as heat speeds up the ripening process. When the bananas get to the desired ripeness, just put them into your refrigerator. The skin will turn black, but the banana inside stays perfect for two or three days. Like avocado, never store unripe bananas in the refrigerator. They simply will not ripen properly because the cold interferes with the ripening process.
Keeps Fresh: 2-3 days after ripening.

You can also peel bananas, cut them in chunks, freeze them and eat them as a frozen treat.
Keeps frozen: Up to 6 months.


Product Review: Sonicare AirFloss

9 May

As a dental professional, I am constantly giving oral hygiene instructions not only to improve my patients oral health, but their systemic health as well.  In recent years, the American Dental Association and American Heart Association have connected periodontal disease (advanced gum disease) and heart disease.  Generally speaking, their evidence-based research has concluded that the same bacterial biofilm found in the oral cavity is the same found in arterial plaque.  This dangerous plaque can reduce blood flow and/or block it all together.

Routine oral hygiene and dental care not only helps reduce the risks of bacterial plaque found in the mouth enter the blood stream, but it is also essential for the prevention of cavities.  In order to remove these toxins effectively in between the teeth, mechanical removal of plaque is essential.  Rinsing is not enough.  For many patients, flossing between teeth can be an annoying chore to incorporate into their daily lives. There are many interdental tools that can make this task a bit easier for the consumer.

One product in particular that I have been asked about over the past six months uses water and air to remove interdental biofilm. Fortunately, I have been privileged to, at no cost, receive the Phillips Sonicare AirFloss.


This video below describes how to use the AirFloss Perfectly!


  • User friendly; easy to use.
  • Faster than manual floss.
  • Can add antiseptic rinses (Listerine) to help kill gingivitis-causing bacteria.
  • Can add fluoride rinses (ACT Restoring) for caries prevention.
  • Removes food particles efficiently and effectively.
  • Thick handle makes flossing easier for patients with limited dexterity.
  • Aids in hard-to-reach places


  • Does not remove bacterial plaque below gum tissue.
  • Messy at first.
  • Quite an investment.

On a scale of 1-10, with one being the lowest – ten the highest, I rank this product an 8.

I would recommend this product to patients who absolutely do not have the capability to manually floss their teeth.  I feel that there is no real benefit of the AirFloss for patients who are frequent flossers and have the dexterity to wrap the floss around their teeth.

—Youngest, RDH, BSDH

Quarter Life Triumph

2 May

Yesterday was my (ahem, our) 26th birthday.  The day after celebrating the big day with Meghan, I was not only able to reflect on my quarter life living upon this earth, but also on this past year.

My 25th year was an epic year at that; I have changed as a person in a short period of time through personal experiences, rekindling old and making new friendships, and basically living life with a whole new mindset.  I have grown to be much wiser through personal failures and triumphs.  I gained back my health and self-confidence, for which I lost in the previous years.   One specific battle was removing a toxin from my life, a person who I once fell in and out of love with, and realized that his past of dishonesty and hurt was simply a mistake now learned.  I now listen and sought for the aid of others when in need.

When the worse enters our lives, valuable lessons are learned.  This summer, I felt sorrow for a loss of a friend, a person who left us too soon.  Through this ache, I grew perspective on life, and appreciated the strength of another, a best friend who is now widowed, witnessing her courage to continue to live a full life despite her critics.

I have became more open to new ideas and things, as well as explored areas that I was once not comfortable with, specifically regarding personal relationships, political controversies, and faith.  I finally feel as if I am my more authentic self. Although I may not have everything figured out yet, this year has been huge in my personal and professional growth.  At 26 years young, I feel as if I am starting to figure life out.

Contrary to my belief, I had a quarter-life triumph instead of a crisis.


PUNography Forward

24 Apr

We all know that each sister has a “thing” about them that makes them extra special.  Alison is stellar at starting new catch-phrases.  Meghan is the originator and obsessor of puns and I am the emperor of moves and groves and belting tunes.  By having two unique best friends, I have had the privilege on inheriting their many personality traits and integrate them as my own when they are not present. To many, I am the queen of puns and  present a sense of wittiness.  Little do most not know my little secret: I steal material from my sisters all the time!

With all of that being said, I took over Meghan’s obsession with puns.  Today I received a forward from a co-worker that is everything pun!  Enjoy and share your favorite.


I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.  It’s syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid.  He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea?  Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.  Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

A guy got arrested for playing the guitar.  He was fingering a minor.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.  I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.  It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.
Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

I didn’t like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.  Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
Be kind to your dentist.  He has fillings, too.