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Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match….

9 Aug

Image

You know. Just a typical conversation between a bitty and me….

“Hey Ali. Heading to Green Bay anytime soon?” – Bitty

“Actually I’ll be there in two weeks for a Packer game.” 

“Well remember I told you I had two nephews that lived out that way?” – Bitty

(Did not remember this, but pretended like I did)

“Yea. Will they be at the game too?” 

“Oh. Well. I am not sure about that. I just found out the nephew I wanted you to meet/set you up with is gay.” – Bitty

“(Insert name), that’s the story of my life.”

“I mean I kind of had a feeling he was gay but did not want to make any assumptions.” – Bitty

“Well since we both like boys, we can become bff’s, tear up the town of Green Bay, and find men.”

…silence…

Praise Jesus it is Friday. That is all.

XoXo,

Eldest.

“Alright everybody in the conference room! I don’t care if you are gay, or straight, or a lesbian, or overweight! Just get in here, right now!”

Liquid Dreams

24 Apr

Quite often, I have bitties that stop by my office and discuss their health issues that they have going on. Most of the time, I will admit, it is quite depressing on what they are battling with and going through. There is one bitty in particular that stops by and despite battling breast cancer has been able to inform me on the “perks” (she calls it) of getting treatment. Here are just (some) of the things that have literally come out of her mouth:

“This progesterone or whatever hormone they give men for their prostate makes me wakes up with a smile on my face. I am not quite sure how I feel about this.”

“This hormone is making me feel like what I feel is equivalent to a “wet dream” for a boy.  Shoot, I haven’t heard that term since I was 18…And here I thought only boys had that…”

“I’m worried that I might grow an “outside” organ…If you know what I mean…”

“Since on these hormones, I’ve had less chin hair growing…My face looks better, my skin feels good, and I don’t have to use that Nair product I bought at Walgreen’s….

And by far my favorite one liner by her (thus far)……

 

“If you were the right sex, I’d be all over you. Damn these hormones.”

 

For your viewing pleasure. And to think I was singing this song on top of my lungs in the shitter years ago….

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3bil5_o-town-liquid-dreams_music#.UXgbW6KG3To

XxX –

Eldest.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

25 Apr

Friends, Romans, countrymen – lend me your ears: I, Meghan, take awful pictures. Fear not, this is not a posting that is seeking for compliments or reassurance of my stunning good looks. This posting is simply for a laugh, as I love ruining pictures. Well, this weekend was an exception. My terrible photos were unintentional and were caused by two factors: lack of sleep & booze – thanks to Isaac and John. Before we dive into that, let’s do an analysis of “The Good” and “The Bad” and we’ll end off with “The Ugly”.

The Good:

What makes a good photo? It is quite simple. It’s usually staged with people you adore (although I do prefer the candid shots). Everyone is smiling and all eyes are open. No double chins, which is Ali’s numero uno rule. There’s a possibility that the photograph will be “Facebook Worthy”, perhaps even frameable! If my friends can get me serious for 10 seconds, there’s a decent chance that we’ll have a handful of “Good” photos to show off to our kids one day. *Shiver* Kids. Anyway, the trick is to get me serious enough to take a good photo. Now let’s move on to “The Bad”.

The Bad:

Now “The Bad” is a majority of taken photos. These are usually done on purpose and I get a kick out of people’s reaction to the photos.

It all started with a shit-ass grin and a slouch.

And then there’s the chronic dry-lip syndrome I’ve endured.

The Ugly:

…But now it’s getting worse. Much worse. Have I endured a chronic bad habit that becomes part of who I am?

Dear Lord.

Dear Lord.

Gulp

Gulp.

These pictures are so awesome that my stomach hurts with every viewing. The reactions are great and it is all in good fun. So, friends, I vow to attempt more of “The Good” pictures, will decrease “The Bad”, and embrace “The Ugly” when they accidentally happen.