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Liquid Dreams

24 Apr

Quite often, I have bitties that stop by my office and discuss their health issues that they have going on. Most of the time, I will admit, it is quite depressing on what they are battling with and going through. There is one bitty in particular that stops by and despite battling breast cancer has been able to inform me on the “perks” (she calls it) of getting treatment. Here are just (some) of the things that have literally come out of her mouth:

“This progesterone or whatever hormone they give men for their prostate makes me wakes up with a smile on my face. I am not quite sure how I feel about this.”

“This hormone is making me feel like what I feel is equivalent to a “wet dream” for a boy.  Shoot, I haven’t heard that term since I was 18…And here I thought only boys had that…”

“I’m worried that I might grow an “outside” organ…If you know what I mean…”

“Since on these hormones, I’ve had less chin hair growing…My face looks better, my skin feels good, and I don’t have to use that Nair product I bought at Walgreen’s….

And by far my favorite one liner by her (thus far)……


“If you were the right sex, I’d be all over you. Damn these hormones.”


For your viewing pleasure. And to think I was singing this song on top of my lungs in the shitter years ago….

XxX –



Bras & John Stamos.

5 Feb


For your Tuesday pleasure….A mini convo I had the other day with a lady bitty….

“I’m going let you in on a little secret. See this big Hawaii sweatshirt I am wearing? I used to have another one that had pretty Christmas Hawaiian flowers on it but got rid of it…Anyway; the reason why I am wearing this is because I have decided that I am no longer going to wear a bra around here. I want to relax my boobs. For years I have worn wired bras and the one side has always been irritated. Since I do not have a boy toy to massage it, I will just go without.” – Bitty 

“Well you could always find a boy toy….” – Me

“I don’t have that kind of money to be paying for one. Though it would be very, very nice to have one. You know, I keep buying that Greek Yogurt they advertise yet the man in the commercial never pops up.”   – Bitty

“John Stamos?” – Me

“Whatever his name is. My God he’s dreamy.” – Bitty



XoXo –



Middlest Does It Herself: Scented Plug-Ins

26 Aug

Yankee Candles; Bath & Body Works Wallflowers; Airwick Air Fresheners; Oh, my! Do you smell what I’m stepping in, readers? Okay, I’ll just tell you: Not much makes me more home-y happy than walking into a scented room.

Perusing through Pinterest has become a fun little hobby of mine. Once upon a time I would only pin and then neglect my findings. Sure, I would try some fun nail designs and a few recipes here and there, but actually doing my “DIY” pins was nearly non-existent. And then it hit me: doing nothing with these pins was a large waste of my time.

I have been waiting to do this easy project for quite some time. Why? Because on an impulse I purchased a large amount of Wallflower Plug-Ins from a Bath & Body Works Outlet Store nearly a year ago. Sassy Middlest. I have been saving these empty containers and wicks for a year. Youngest, without my knowledge, threw half of them out. Nothing grinds my gears more than a sister not into my projects. Sigh. Anyway, as penance for my sassy impulse purchases, I vowed to use all of my hoarded Wallflowers before trying this neat project. This penance made me feel like I was in Catholic school again.

I made these suckers several weeks ago. I love, love, love them. Because I am a frugal sonuvagun, I proceeded on the side of caution and only picked up two types of oils for this project. I’m not wasting money on something that may not work.

Here’s the process. It’s so simple I may cry.

1. Remove wick from Wallflower. Just as I was taught by my guy friends in high school, DO NOT USE YOUR TEETH. I chipped my bottom tooth doing this. Simply use a butter knife. It’s totally not worth a visit to the dentist, friends.

2. Swish containers in hot, soapy water and rinse clean. It is recommended to do the same with the wicks and allow them to dry overnight, but I didn’t because I’m too impatient. I just let everything dry for a solid 10 minutes. So impatient.

3. Fill containers; preferably oil specifically made for warmers. I filled them all the way to about ½” from the top, as I like scents to smack me in the face when I walk into a room. If you prefer a light scent, I would recommend a 1/3 oil to 2/3 water or a half-and-half ratio.

4. Put the wick back in the container.

5. Screw into plug-in.

6. Enjoy scented goodness.

Gosh, this is so easy I am embarrassed that I didn’t think of it myself.

Not convinced? Ok. Check out the costs.

Reusable containers: FREE
Fragrance oil: $5 for 5 fluid ounces
Yields: 6 completely filled Wallflowers.
Wallflower Refills: 1 for $6.50; 4 for $20; 6 for $24. Guh-Ross.

Review: This does the trick. I walk into a room and smell Linen or Rosemary Mint, which is absolutely delightful. Even Youngest loves this. She is now saving her containers for future filling. Win-Win.

Pick your jaw up from the floor, folks. I love it, too. Now if only I could make my own candles that compare to Yankee Candle. Doubtful, that shit is like scented crack; nothing will ever beat a Yankee Candle.


Middlest Does It Herself: Laundry Detergent

21 Aug

Laundry. Good riddens I hate doing the laundry. I would much rather pluck my pubic hair than spend a day cleaning clothes. Yes, I know what plucking pubic hair feels like; I was in puberty-denial for a solid 2 months as an adolescent. Too much too soon? Ok, you win. I would much rather pluck knee hair than do laundry (which is more painful than pulling crotch hair, but I digress).

What is it about laundry that makes me so ticked? A few reasons. Please see list below:

  1. Gathering. Actually this is easy to do. I am very good at this. Throw clothing into cute laundry basket and let it pile up.
  2. Sorting. Alright, I can do this. My organizational skills thrive in this environment. Turning clothes inside out is a bit of a pain but manageable, nonetheless.
  3. Transfer to washer. Wow, I guess I don’t know what the fuss is all about? I don’t mind doing this. Cold water, soap, and swish-swish. Good stuff.
  4. Waiting for load to wash.  I am antsy by nature and quite forgetful. Finding something to do in the meantime is easy, but remembering to take laundry out of the machine is a hassle. Luckily this does not happen too often. I had one stinky load from forgetting, so my heightened senses are ultra alert during this step.
  5. Drying:
    5a. Transfer to dryer. Easy and doable (that’s what she said…or he). I love the smell of fresh laundry donned from the washer. Remembering a laundry sheet is quite the battle for me, so I get ultra peeved when I get static at the end of this process. Please see bullet 7.
    5b. Transfer to drying racks. This is my preferred method for scrubs and my “nice” clothing. I actually enjoy this because it gives me a good reason to not finish the laundry during laundry day. Procrastination at its finest!
  6. Waiting some more. Need I say more?!
  7. Remembering to empty dryer. I am awful at this step. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have opened the dryer and cursed because I forgot to unload the dryer the week prior. “Must be nice to have enough clothes to last between washes.” Back off; I still have clothing from high school. And then there’s the moment when I’m getting zapped from static because I forgot to use a laundry sheet. Many bombs have been cursed at this point.
  8. Folding Laundry. Very relaxing, but it takes me back to my years working in retail. I worked a good portion of my high school years in the clothing departments at Kmart. Initially I loved sorting, folding, organizing, and putting clothing away because it was very productive and instantly gratifying. And then two hours later it looked like I sat on my ass the entire shift. About a year of constantly refolding clothing an hour before closing made me despise customers immensely.
  9. PUTTING LAUNDRY AWAY. And here’s the motherload, friends. Blech. I hate this part. I am also very slow in this process. My closet is sorted by color, sleeve lengths, and all clothing items must be “facing” the correct way. I have seriously caught Youngest messing with my closet. It’s quite thrilling to sense when something is out of place. Again, I blame Kmart for this. I have offended plenty of family members by “re-doing” their efforts in folding my laundry. My anal tendencies are what make laundry so awful. “So Meghan…what you’re saying is that it’s your fault you hate laundry?” Precisely. Good observation, readers.

So where am I going with this posting, you ask? A few weeks ago I went to go pick up some laundry detergent & softener at the store. I don’t know if I was financially blind before, but I looked at the pricing of laundry detergent and got instantly pissed. I distinctively remember saying, “are you fucking kidding me?!” in aisle 5 of the local Kmart [Blue Light for Life]. During my cursing tantrum I glanced at a box of Borax on the shelf and had a light-bulb moment: my friend CoraL makes her own detergent! A quick phone call was made and I retrieved the recipe linked below. Hey, if I am going to do something that I hate, I may as well do it as cheap and fun as possible. Making stuff from scratch is v. enjoyable and the satisfaction of saving my pretty pennies ought to make laundry much more tolerable.

CoraL’s Homemade Laundry Detergent [Word Document for easy printing!]

Basically you process bar soap, Borax, and Wash Soap. It’s so simple, it’s stupid. 

Borax: $4.45 for a 4lb box
Wash Soap: $3.29 for a 3.4 lb box
Bar Soap: $3.99 for 10 bars
Total: $11.73
Lasts: 6 months (with a remainder of 6 bar soaps and enough Borax/Wash Soap for about 1½ years of homemade detergent)

The Gain detergent that I usually buy is $15.99 and it definitely doesn’t last 6 months. I call this a win.

And of course before I blogged about this, I had to do a couple weeks worth of laundry to see how this stuff works. My review: It’s awesome. The ivory soap leaves a light, delightful scent. The detergent is potent enough to get out pesky stains (like blood, baby formula, spit, urine, sweat, etc.) from my scrubs and trustworthy enough for my dresses and delicates. Towels and sheets clean great. Note: I haven’t had to get out grease with this yet, an update is sure to follow.

So there ya have it. I made laundry detergent all by myself. My mother’s great grand-mother would be proud.



18 Jun

“Listen up y’all, cause this is it
The beat that I’m bangin’ is divalicious”

Ladies. It’s time to talk about our menstrual cycle. I’ll just openly say this: it sucks. It absolutely sucks. Once a month (or once every three if you’re one of those lucky women) we shed an egg, bleed for days, and cramp like we just ate a crockpot o’ baked beans. Our hormones are out-of-whack and we are expected to go about our day-to-day lives with a positive attitude and smiles on our faces. And we should – having PMS does not give you the right to be a bitch to everyone you pass. I digress…mood swings warrant a different posting.

I’m going to introduce you to the single-handed most delightful menstrual product I own: The Diva Cup. I have had the Diva Cup for almost 4 months now and if it had feet, I’d be kissing ’em.

Here are a few reasons why I went from tampons, pads, and tissues to The Diva Cup:

  • Tampons. My heavy days were too heavy. I was constantly in the bathroom changing my tampons. After one heavy (heavyyy) day I immediately go to a medium-light flow, meaning mediums were too absorbent and lights warranted me to be in the bathroom every hour. By day 4 my twenty-something year old vagina felt like it aged 60 years. And every time I went to the bathroom, the downward pressure from “going” made the tampon push out to an uncomfortable spot. I was going through at least a dozen of unnecessary changes a day (ie. tampons were not saturated). Wrapping ’em up like a mummy was wasteful on toilet paper (but totally necessary. No one wants to see bloody tampons in the trash). And then there were times when I would enter my bathroom to see shredded tampons in my bathroom, bedroom, and hallway. Damnit, Scout – you adorable and disgusting pooch.
  • Pads. “But Meghan…what about pads?!” Well, friends – pads just weren’t cutting it either! I have thrown out so much underwear due to pads moving wherever they damn well pleased. Even Walmart packaged underwear was getting expensive. And although I work with babies, I did not feel like changing their diapers and mine throughout the night.
  • Toilet Paper. Yep. I’ve done it before. I’ve hated tampons and pads to the point where I would just bunch up toilet paper and shove it in-between my legs to get through a very light day. There’s a high level of anxiety with this: “Gosh, I hope my wad of toilet paper doesn’t fall out while I’m walking around in public.” And then there’s the actual wrapping of the tampon or pad, which felt so wasteful and expensive.

I initially heard about The Diva Cup from a friend in college. She just loved it. I wasn’t annoyed with tampons enough at the time to purchase the $34.00 feminine hygiene product, but The Diva Cup always stuck in the back of my mind. I was re-introduced to it by another dear friend of mine about 6 months ago. Again, the price tag made we weary about it. After a few conversations with said dear friend [and another puppy shredding incident], I was convinced that I needed to try this once and for all.

Ok. So what is The Diva Cup? As you can see in the photo, it is a silicone cup that is inserted into the vagina and rests near cervix.

It comes in two sizes, the smaller is more ideal for women under 30 and who have not given birth. The other size is larger and ideally for women over 30 and/or who have given birth. Simple!

The Diva Cup can be worn for up to 12 hours before dumping & cleaning (although heavy days require more frequent dumpings). Inserting it initially was difficult and painful, mostly because I was having a difficult time keeping the “fold” as I was inserting. The more you use it, the easier it is to insert.

Another concern for me was the size of the sucker. It looks large, but after a few wears, I couldn’t even feel it! Remember your first time using tampons? Yeah, this, too, takes time to get used to the “feel” of it.

Removal. To remove, you release the “seal” by squeezing the base of the cup, making the fold, and removing. PLEASE SQUEEZE – I’ve suctioned my vagina and it hurts more than the time my finger got stuck up a vacuum.

Dumping. I’m a post-partum nurse who sees gushes of blood all the time. Even I got a little queezy the first time I dumped a heavy day into the toilet. It’s thick and goopy. After 2-3 dumps I no longer felt nauseated. Just like dating, you will survive your first dumps!

To clean. Use soap and warm water and air dry. The Diva Cup also has a cleanser you can use, but I’m not a sucker for unnecessary products. Soap and water work just fine. I’ve contemplated using a dishwasher, but I don’t think my sister would appreciate that.

The Diva Cup went from a “great” product to a product I cannot live without when I changed the type of birth control pills I was using. My body adjusted slowly, therefore I had an entire month when I was spotting. The Diva Cup was divalicious and I will never go to throwaway feminine hygiene products again.


Product Review: Sonicare AirFloss

9 May

As a dental professional, I am constantly giving oral hygiene instructions not only to improve my patients oral health, but their systemic health as well.  In recent years, the American Dental Association and American Heart Association have connected periodontal disease (advanced gum disease) and heart disease.  Generally speaking, their evidence-based research has concluded that the same bacterial biofilm found in the oral cavity is the same found in arterial plaque.  This dangerous plaque can reduce blood flow and/or block it all together.

Routine oral hygiene and dental care not only helps reduce the risks of bacterial plaque found in the mouth enter the blood stream, but it is also essential for the prevention of cavities.  In order to remove these toxins effectively in between the teeth, mechanical removal of plaque is essential.  Rinsing is not enough.  For many patients, flossing between teeth can be an annoying chore to incorporate into their daily lives. There are many interdental tools that can make this task a bit easier for the consumer.

One product in particular that I have been asked about over the past six months uses water and air to remove interdental biofilm. Fortunately, I have been privileged to, at no cost, receive the Phillips Sonicare AirFloss.


This video below describes how to use the AirFloss Perfectly!


  • User friendly; easy to use.
  • Faster than manual floss.
  • Can add antiseptic rinses (Listerine) to help kill gingivitis-causing bacteria.
  • Can add fluoride rinses (ACT Restoring) for caries prevention.
  • Removes food particles efficiently and effectively.
  • Thick handle makes flossing easier for patients with limited dexterity.
  • Aids in hard-to-reach places


  • Does not remove bacterial plaque below gum tissue.
  • Messy at first.
  • Quite an investment.

On a scale of 1-10, with one being the lowest – ten the highest, I rank this product an 8.

I would recommend this product to patients who absolutely do not have the capability to manually floss their teeth.  I feel that there is no real benefit of the AirFloss for patients who are frequent flossers and have the dexterity to wrap the floss around their teeth.

—Youngest, RDH, BSDH