EEK & MEEK: Reasons Why Middlest & Youngest are INDEED Identical

26 Sep

I recently caught two of my co-workers looking at a Wikipedia page linked to “twins”.  Being naïve and blunt, I yelled “Hey! I’m a twin!”    [like they didn’t know…]   and began questioning this random search interest.  Their reasoning?  THEY DO NOT BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY MEGHAN AND I ARE IDENTICAL TWINS.

I do not mean to be a princess about this subject, however, I feel as if I am always defending my likeness to so many folk I have met in Southeast Wisconsin.  This is not the first time that I had to explain to them that Middlest and I are, indeed, identical – this affair has occurred a handful of times at this particular work place.  As a matter of fact, there have been two handful of times where Middlest and I would have to defend our honor of being identical twinsnatural, without scientific intervention.

Top Perceived Reasonings to Why Meghan and I are “Not Identical”:

  • I can tell you apart! Yes, my family members, close friends, common acquaintances, and co-workers can, indeed, tell the differences between us.  Don’t you think this has anything to do with the fact you see us either solo or together all the time?  If you stared at two Siamese cats for an extended period of time, you would be able to differentiate between the two as well.
  • Meghan is taller. Yep.  She is an inch taller.  As a matter of fact, she is a half-shoe size larger than me as well. “BUT ANISSA?! IF YOU ARE IDENTICAL, HOW CAN THIS BEEEE?!” This is simply because Middlest and I were born 5-weeks pre-mature.  In 1986, this was a big fruckin’ deal, ya’ll.  Meghan simply received more nutrients while we shared the same womb and weighed 2.59 pounds more than me at birth.  Entering this world at 3lbs 11oz had me in NICU for a little over a month while Middlest went home after two weeks.  Plus, I hate milk.  Yeah – that would change the growth pattern on identical twins.
  • Your hair is different. …Really?!?!?!
  • Identical twins have the EXACT same birthmarks and markings. This is false.  We share the same DNA and blood type, but not the same markings.  As a matter of fact, I was never born with moles on my face and large beauty mark    [that’s what my mom calls it, anyway…how cute is she?!]    on the back of my leg.  That all came with childhood, people!


Top Reasons Why We are Identical:

  • The doctor said so.Yeah, we came out of the same amniotic sac and shared a placenta.  Identical twins always share the same placenta, in most cases – fraternal twins have their own sac. Monozygotic = Uno Zygotico!
  • We look alike. Contrary to popular belief by few, Middlest and I do look very much alike.  If we did not have a sister, then I may actually pay $200 for DNA testing.  Why is this?  Because sister, Eldest, is shy of 18-months older than us.

How does this make a difference one may ask?  Look below:

“BUT ANUS, YOU THREE EACH LOOK LIKE SISTERSSSSSSSS!”

  • Eyes. Eldest has hazel green eyes – a trait inherited by my father    [that bitch]    and “sad eyes” inherited by my mother.    [envious]    Meghan and I have blue gray eyes with a yellow “sun” around our pupils.    [“poop eyes”, as my former lover likes to call it — dick]    If you can tell, Eldest’s hair is very thick, and she has A LOT of it. Look at her eyebrows and eyelashes!  They are so bushy and long! I’ll be lucky to have a few eye hairs post-menopause.    [helloooooo Latisse!]
  • Nose and Ears. Yes, foolish oneWe are sisters.  On another note, Middlest and I have very similar noses    [thanks Grandma Kook]    – Eldest’s nose is so wittle and cute as a button. *bop*

    Besides Middlest having a “vagina ear”   [an environmental trait caused by a failed tragus piercing], they are indeed identical looking as well.  Eldest’s ears are much smaller – ironic since she is a huge fan of Dumbo.

  • Hair. If one could look closer, Eldest’s hair is naturally lighter brown and was once naturally curly.    [it is not anymore, but that is a whole other blog]    Middlest and I have very fine, thin, and annoyingly straight hair. It is also slightly darker.  One similarity shared between the three of us is upper lip hairWoof!
  • Our Hands and Feet. I love my feet and hands.  Eldest hates them. These appendages are scary similar between Middlest and me.  We have very bony, veiny hands and feet.  As a matter of fact, my mother used to compare these similarities when we were babies and children.  She still does this to our hands annually at Christmas Midnight Mass.   [Clearly we are Catholic]  She always shakes her head, grins, and whispers “how are you two NOT identical?”.    [Never deny a mother’s instinct…Neva!]

    Our fingers are long, our toes are long.  Eldest’s hands and toes are very much opposite of ours: short fingers/toes and quite small – in her words: “little boy hands” and “short and stubby”   [You are beautiful, no matter what you say]

  • Our Arms. Ali’s nickname is T-Rex I am done.

Now, ladies and gentlemen…if Meghan and I were indeed fraternal twins, do you not think we would each have different physical traits of Alison?

We look alike.  We came from the same sac.  We have the same DNA and blood type.  We have identical features.  I am sorry that you are pissed at the environment for making us not look freaky identical – but this is how God wants us to be so please, leave us alone SE Wisconsin amigos.


Note to the Public: Never EVER make fun of Youngest’s holiday ears in front of Eldest.  She will destroy you with her T-Rex arms.  She is one quick singleton.

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3 Responses to “EEK & MEEK: Reasons Why Middlest & Youngest are INDEED Identical”

  1. Jeremiah Stanghini September 27, 2012 at 9:44 am #

    This was hilarious!

  2. Matt Wood September 27, 2012 at 11:15 am #

    3 beautiful girls, inside & out!

  3. Jorge October 7, 2012 at 6:58 am #

    giggity giggity

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