Sh*t my Residents say…

23 May
Sh*t my Residents say to me….
  • “I’m not going to find a boyfriend because I don’t want ‘his’ troubles.” – Rose |This is coming from a woman that I feel has been celibate since her husband passed away over 40 years ago (or probably before that)|
  • A new resident, Bill, has lately been bringing me chocolate bars. Why? I do not know. I don’t even like chocolate but don’t have the heart to tell him this. After thanking him for the Ghirardelli Dark & Caramel bar, he tells me “Don’t get fat,” hits my hip bone and walks away which leaves me speechless.
  • After making a sarcastic comment to my 102-year-old resident, Blanche, she tells me this: “If I were strong enough, I would grab a chair and clonk you over the head with it.” She then decided to tell me she gets the ‘runs’ from tomatoes and spaghetti and will throw her Meals and Wheels lunches away if they bring her that ‘shit.‘ Blanche then mentioned she cannot eat prunes because they do the ‘same thing’ to her. Before leaving, she mentioned that her children are idiots and that she “may be old, but she isn’t stupid nor deaf.”
  • Maria, my Polish lady, told me that Pope she has hanging on her wall in her bedroom is the one who makes sure her pictures and lamp share are ‘dust-free.’ She has never had to dust since she put up that picture. My response...”So you are telling me the Pope up there {I point to the framed picture of Pope John Paul II} is the reason why your bedroom is dust free?” Her response (In her thick Polish/German accent), “Exactly.” My response, “OoOoOokay then.”
  • I asked Lorraine how she felt about last night’s crowning of Dancing with the Stars |We both bonded over this every Tuesday & Wednesday lately|. She asked who won because she had been “too busy” to watch it. I asked her what the hell she was doing at 9:30pm at night. Lorraine said again she was “busy.” Before she could say anything else, I jokingly stated she “probably was doing it last night with her husband.” Lorraine smugly smiled, stating “Indeed I was.” When I gave her a “WTF/Too much/too soon look,” she shrugged her shoulders stating that “You were the one who guessed it.”
And no, I am not making any of this sh*t up. Happy Hump Day!

2 Responses to “Sh*t my Residents say…”

  1. Meghan (@megAYCHan) May 24, 2012 at 11:58 am #

    This is so awesome.

  2. Kristen Vander Ploeg (@KristenVP) June 24, 2012 at 12:59 am #

    You DID guess it…

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