Wandering Vagina anyone?

28 Apr

While I was out and about this week delivering at work, I was able to catch up (twice, even) with one of my lovely Polish lady resident who insists on speaking French to me (because of my “French” heritage as she calls it) even though I have not a clue as to what the hell she is saying. Anyhoo, I ask her how she’s doing and that is has been quite a while since I have last seen her. She nods her head, rambles about something or another, and tells me that her legs are swollen and “full of blisters.” She (of course) pulls up her sweatpants (love) and shows me the sores on her legs (don’t love) and tells me it is due to her diabetes. She then precedes to hunch over and walk like an ape, grabbing her “lady bits area,” rubs/pats the area and tells me “it” is wandering (“it” meaning her lady bits for those who are slow/can’t catch on) – – And that she has accidents all the time and needs to get that taken care of. For a hot second there I thought she was going to show me her “wandering va-jay-jay…” That, my readers, would not have been a pleasant site to see….Too much, too soon for Ali.


The next day, I had the pleasure of seeing her again while I was out and about on the property. This time she told me that she had prayed to God for me to come and get her rent check because her “stupid kids forgot to bring it to the office.” After saying “Praise Jesus” several times she asked me “what was up” and if “I had a boyfriend.” When I told her I did not, she asked me why. I shrugged my shoulders and told her I didn’t know. My Polish lady then flailed her arms out and told me she would find one for me and then did a little jive dance if you will. Shaking my head as I was leaving, I told her that was great and to keep me posted on this new adventure for her….
The only problem I have with this is this: The lady hasn’t left her apartment in almost a year and the only male dudes she speaks to on a weekly basis is her “stupid” son and her neighbor who is, of course, old.
{ aLi }

One Response to “Wandering Vagina anyone?”

  1. Meghan (@megAYCHan) May 1, 2012 at 11:59 pm #

    So absurd.

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